C’mon. I know you remember the scathing lyrics to this 1993 E-40 song entitled “Captain Save a Hoe.” It was dedicated to women (although “woman” was hardly the term used) that refused to be independent enough to pay their own bills, keep their own jobs and do their own shopping. The song was an ode to those who relied on a man to put on their cape, swoop down from the sky, scoop them up and change their lives.
 
“But make that ni**a take care of your kids, Make that ni**a call your kids his Make that ni&&a get out there and work Make that ni44a by you a brin burk.  It’s all part of that ni%%a take care of me Pu%%y whipped ni**a come save me Batches out there be on the lookout for captain save a hoe- Cus he’s savin’ hoes.”
 
Ohhh E-40….. Ridiculous right? – But fitting for what I still see going on today, even though this song was in heavy rotation in ’93 and it’s 2010.
 
Sure we can name the top five culprits for the paramount/excessive number of single, independent women in high density urban areas, but these are my thoughts on the sixth culprit that is often ignored or forgotten.
 
Most men have an integral prerequisite to feel needed; like they are taking care of business – and they fulfill that “needed” syndrome in their own ways I guess. For a particular group of men, equality in compensation and career is viewed as competition. They want no uncertainty about being “the man” of their household, so they are comfortable being with someone who depends on them completely. Independence to them means their significant other is capable of picking up and leaving at any time. A chick relying on her man for her lifestyle will think twice, maybe three times, before picking up and leaving – and men know that.
 
So, have you ever been in shock meeting someone and their significant other? The first thought in your head was “they can do so much better.” Well I’ve recently encountered a few professional, hard working, decent men that are with women that are below their relationship potential. I’m talking about falling into E40’s category above. Even though others see/feel they are settling for less, I’ve come to realize that who they have chosen to be with is exactly “their potential.” Maybe that’s IT for them. They are exactly where their strength will allow them to be. Either they will realize one day that they can do better, or work it out and be completely content living at the same standard they currently dwell in; content in the profession of saving…..
 
So can I voice my opinion here for a second? I mean that is what a blog is for, right? Let it be known that there is a whole other sector of women out there that can hold their own, and are not too independent to deny that they want to “be saved” too. They aren’t too jaded to say that there is a need for a companion in their life, regardless of how much money they make, how successful they are, and how much they are able to do on their own. They have no problem stepping back and letting it be known that “he” is the man of the household. All they want to do is contribute; bring something to the table and combine it with what “he” already has to build together. They want him” to work hard, not just b/c he’s taking care of her two kids and their one child together, but because he knows his woman works hard too – and because they are both trying to reach their unified goal of success.
 
Of course, trips to Neiman’s and the Caribbean should be included – lol.  But wouldn’t the woman described above deserve that?
 
Men should not exclude this type of woman from being “saved” just because she has mastered taking care of herself and knows how to survive on her own.
 
Your thoughts on the independent woman being “saved”? 
 
**Pondering on Jill Scott‘s “The Fact Is” on Beautifully Human**
 
“I could buy my own groceries baby
Get my hair tight, my nails right
I can floss my own bling bling
Write the words to the songs I sing
I can even raise the child we’ll make
Make sure he’s loved and knows what God gave us
I can teach him how to walk and stand
But he needs you to help him be a man
We need you
So hard to say
We need you
Some things don’t change
I could be congresswoman
Or a garbage woman or
Police officer, or a carpenter
I could be a doctor and a lawyer and a mother and a good girl
God what you’ve done to me
Kind of lover I could be
I could be a computer analyst, the Queen with the nappy hair raising her fist
Or I could be much more and a myriad of this
Hot as the summer, sweet as the first kiss
And even though I can do all these things
I need you
And even though I can do all these things by my damn self
We need you
We need you
We need you”
Advertisement