“Love has nothing to do with what you are expecting to get; it’s what you are expected to give”

 
I’m not gonna lie yall.  Some of the married people I know, scare the living daylights out of me.  They make me grateful that I’m taking my time with this thing.  I’ve definitely had to ask the following question: “Didn’t you know about this before you married them?’  In my opinion, if you knew something in particular about your partner before you married them, you have no right to complain about it once you are married.  Your loss. You knew what you were getting into. 
 
The point is to spend time with someone long enough so that you know what you’re getting into.  So, do you  (yes,  you) believe that if you date a person for a long enough period of time, there will be a lot less  “surprises” in your relationship?  Depending on the time you’ve dated someone, you pretty much know the character of your mate, and know what to expect from them, right?
 
Well according to a recent conversation with an acquaintance of mine who has experienced marriage more than once, you never know what to expect. 
 
“What??!!”  I yelled. 
 
They proceeded to tell me that their first marriage was the result of a long, on again-off again relationship and once in the marriage, they were still surprised about things that occurred during their journey.  They ended the marriage feeling somewhat astonished and disappointed. The second time around for them was the result of a very short relationship that resulted in marriage all within a very limited amount of time.   So, sure there are surprises, but the basic character of a person and things like their financial habits, how they make decisions, how they handle stressful situations, reliability – all of that should be known ahead of time, right?  I mean, you would  be 95% sure of what they will do in any given situation that would call the above listed characteristics into question, correct?
 
I still received a “not necessarily” to my rebuttal.  Basically my acquaintance told me, in so many words, that you never know how a person is going to react until “sh#! hits the fan.”  And s#!% doesn’t necessarily hit the fan, while you’re dating for two years, five years, or even 10 years.  According tho them, when you get married, it’s for a lifetime.  There are a variety of experiences – negative and positive – that can happen in a lifetime that will affect someone’s decision making and their reactions to situations – some of which would be quite unexpected. 
 
“Wow!” I stated.  I left the conversation thinking “Well I  might as well marry a dude after dating them for 4 months, because what I just heard is – ya never really know what you’re gonna get!”
 
But of course I would never do that – not knocking those that do, but that’s just not for me.  I truly believe that the more time you choose to court someone (notice the word “court” interchanged for date), the less surprises you will run into once the deal is sealed.  That time allows for more tests or expeirences to arise in your relationship which will put a person’s true character on display.  You will have time to notice any red flags that may arise and determine whether to acknowledge and deal with them – or not.  Then, in your heart of hearts, you really can’t say you didn’t know.  I believe sometimes many people stay in long relationships, hoping that things will change once they get married.  When they don’t, there is a level of disappointment that arises once they’re married.   But if you’ve spent enough time with a person, you can’t say you didn’t know.  
 
So do you belive that no matter how long you date, the unexpected will always creep it’s way into a marriage, and possibly shake the foundation of who you believe your partner really is? 
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